Fun Stuff and More!
September - CRAZY FACTS OR FICTION?
Interesting Facts
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart! creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death!
(Creepy) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.... ..)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
August - JOKES FOR THE MONTH
Ang Kawawang Mga Magulang
Dear Anak,
Naipadala ko na ang 50 thousand pesos na tuition fee mo. Pinagbili na namin ang mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng kursong COUNTER STRIKE. Wala na din pala tayong baboy dahil naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mong project nyo na NOKIA N75. Ang mahal naman ng project na yun. Kasama din ang 7 thousand dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA. Anak, malayo ba yun? Mag-iingat ka sa pagbibiyahe mo. Isasanla pala namin ang palayan natin para mabili mo ang iyung instrumentong IPOD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo. Anak, komportable ka ba jan sa boarding house mo? San ba kamo yan?..... sa VICTORIA COURT? Maganda ba jan at di ka ba naiinitan jan? Anak, kamusta na pala yung group project nyo na SANMIG LIGHT? Napailaw nyo na ba? Mataas ba ang nakuha mong grado dun?
Anak, sana bago pa maubos ang lahat-lahat ng ari-arian natin ay maka-gradweyt ka na. Walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL? Sana pag gradweyt mo, eh makakuha ka kaagad ng trabaho kagaya ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi natin ang mga ari-arian natin sa sanglaan. Ay, siya nga pala anak. Diba sabi mo sa JOLLIBEE at MAK DONALD ka palagi kumakain? Ok ba naman sayo ang mga ulam dun? Baka hindi masarap at kawawa ka naman jan. Eh yung school bus na TAXI? Sabihin mo sa driver eh mag-iingat sa pagmamaneho ha?
Anak, hanggang dito na lang at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang perang pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.
Interesting Facts
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart! creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death!
(Creepy) (I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.... ..)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
August - JOKES FOR THE MONTH
Ang Kawawang Mga Magulang
Dear Anak,
Naipadala ko na ang 50 thousand pesos na tuition fee mo. Pinagbili na namin ang mga kalabaw natin. Ang mahal pala ng kursong COUNTER STRIKE. Wala na din pala tayong baboy dahil naibenta na din para dun sa sinasabi mong project nyo na NOKIA N75. Ang mahal naman ng project na yun. Kasama din ang 7 thousand dun para sa field trip nyo sa MALL OF ASIA. Anak, malayo ba yun? Mag-iingat ka sa pagbibiyahe mo. Isasanla pala namin ang palayan natin para mabili mo ang iyung instrumentong IPOD na kinakailangan mo sa laboratory nyo. Anak, komportable ka ba jan sa boarding house mo? San ba kamo yan?..... sa VICTORIA COURT? Maganda ba jan at di ka ba naiinitan jan? Anak, kamusta na pala yung group project nyo na SANMIG LIGHT? Napailaw nyo na ba? Mataas ba ang nakuha mong grado dun?
Anak, sana bago pa maubos ang lahat-lahat ng ari-arian natin ay maka-gradweyt ka na. Walong taon ba talaga ang kurso mo sa SECRETARIAL? Sana pag gradweyt mo, eh makakuha ka kaagad ng trabaho kagaya ng manager ng kumpanya para mabawi natin ang mga ari-arian natin sa sanglaan. Ay, siya nga pala anak. Diba sabi mo sa JOLLIBEE at MAK DONALD ka palagi kumakain? Ok ba naman sayo ang mga ulam dun? Baka hindi masarap at kawawa ka naman jan. Eh yung school bus na TAXI? Sabihin mo sa driver eh mag-iingat sa pagmamaneho ha?
Anak, hanggang dito na lang at sa susunod ay ipapadala ko sayo ang perang pambili mo ng ALTIS na gagamitin mo sa VACANT SUBJECT mo.
Nagmamahal,
Ang iyong Inay at Itay
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between a woman and a volcano?
A: A volcano never fakes its eruptions.
Q: What is the difference between God and a brain surgeon?
A: God doesn't think he's a doctor.
Q: What's the best way to jog your memory?
A: Take your laptop out for a morning run.
Q: Why should you avoid pampering a cow?
A: She'll just produce spoiled milk.
Q: What is a man's idea of doing housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can sweep underneath.
Q: Why do ghosts ride on elevators?
A: To raise their spirits!
Q: Why did the whale cross the ocean?
A: To get to the other side!
Q: What not to say to the nice policeman?
A: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" He replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about??"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Animals may be our friends. But they won’t pick you up at the airport.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says "Your money or your life!" An extremely long silence follows. "Your money or your life!" the thug repeats. Finally Benny says "I’m thinking!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy!" I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
A: A volcano never fakes its eruptions.
Q: What is the difference between God and a brain surgeon?
A: God doesn't think he's a doctor.
Q: What's the best way to jog your memory?
A: Take your laptop out for a morning run.
Q: Why should you avoid pampering a cow?
A: She'll just produce spoiled milk.
Q: What is a man's idea of doing housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can sweep underneath.
Q: Why do ghosts ride on elevators?
A: To raise their spirits!
Q: Why did the whale cross the ocean?
A: To get to the other side!
Q: What not to say to the nice policeman?
A: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" He replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about??"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Animals may be our friends. But they won’t pick you up at the airport.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says "Your money or your life!" An extremely long silence follows. "Your money or your life!" the thug repeats. Finally Benny says "I’m thinking!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy!" I tell him I want a second opinion. He says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their Mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass, I can see old ladies on the phone. They’ve already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong. (Chris Rock)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours. (Rita Rudner)
I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their Mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass, I can see old ladies on the phone. They’ve already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong. (Chris Rock)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours. (Rita Rudner)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions." (Woody Allen)
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions." (Woody Allen)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There’s always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I’d fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. (Larry Miller)
There’s always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I’d fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. (Larry Miller)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said "No, I'm just looking." (George Miller)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio… (Bill Braudis).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, theyd’ say "Thank you." That graduated into "Have a nice day." That’s now escalated into "You tare care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check – the waiter said, "Don’t put off that mammogram." (Rita Rudner)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?" (Gilbert Gottfried)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. (George Burns)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said: "What do you need?' (Steven Wright)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bob: "Emily, aren’t you afraid of death?" Emily: "I just think of it as a part of life." Bob: "Yeah. The last part." (Bob Newhart show/Sy Rosen)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said "No, I'm just looking." (George Miller)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio… (Bill Braudis).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, theyd’ say "Thank you." That graduated into "Have a nice day." That’s now escalated into "You tare care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check – the waiter said, "Don’t put off that mammogram." (Rita Rudner)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me and said "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?" (Gilbert Gottfried)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. (George Burns)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said: "What do you need?' (Steven Wright)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bob: "Emily, aren’t you afraid of death?" Emily: "I just think of it as a part of life." Bob: "Yeah. The last part." (Bob Newhart show/Sy Rosen)
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